My boyfriend Shawn and I were chatting on the phone one evening and I don’t remember how or why I asked him what I did but I asked him “Hmm, so you think I am high maintenance?”
Shawn didn’t even take time to think. He just blurted out, “Well, sometimes.”
“And why do you think I am?” (I really wanted to know because I am sure I had a good reason to back up every possible reason Shawn might toss at me.)
“Let’s see….you only wear name brand clothing and you would never buy any clothes from Target or Walmart”. You only wear Nikes.
“Ok, well I just like Fox clothing right now because they have a lot of amazing colors and styles and I already told you that it makes no sense to spend money on clothes at Target or Walmart only to have them shrink right away, fade or just plain fall apart. Then I have to go out and spend more money to replace it?? I don’t think so. It makes perfect sense to me to spend a little more on quality. And I only buy name brands if they are on clearance!”
“Ok, I’ll give you that because I saw you head straight to the clearance rack at Macy’s last weekend and shopped off of it.”
“I also buy brand names at Ross and Marshall’s.”
“You won’t buy bras from anywhere else but Victoria’s Secret.”
Do I even have to defend myself on this one?!
Shawn’s tone now goes into a mocking feminine voice. “Let’s see, then there is the fact that you won’t drink gas station or fast food coffee; no, it’s got to be Starbucks only”.
“Ok, but gas station coffee tastes like crap and to be fair, I did say the McDonald’s peppermint Mocha was decent but for $1 more I could have bought a Starbucks and it would have tasted sooo much better.”
“What else…Oh…You’ll only drive a Toyota”.
“I can’t help it. My 4 Runner was totaled and I was able to walk out unharmed and so was my family so now I have it embedded in my mind that Toyotas are safe. Plus, the Japanese make really good cars!”
“You refused to get the smaller one bedroom cabin that was only $80 a night and instead insisted on the two bedroom one that is $125 with a hot tub!”
“I was thinking of you! I was thinking of how awesome that would be to warm up and snuggle up together in the hot tub after a freezing day in the snow!”
Shawn laughs. “I know. I was just giving you a hard time.”
“Hmmm…what else? Oh, you only like newer cars and not fixer-uppers. You’re probably the same way with houses.”
Seriously, what woman doesn’t like newer cars and houses that are new looking and magically beautiful to start with? I didn’t say that to him but I sure thought it. I didn’t have a defense for that one. “Yea, ok that’s true.”
Do all of these things really make me high maintenance? I dunno, I guess my perception of high maintenance are the women that go over the top. You know, the women that not only want name brands but are spending $200 on a pair of jeans or $500 on a Coach purse. Or how about the woman that has manicures done 2x a month. The women that insist on nice dinners only and would never step foot into a restaurant that wasn’t complete with full service waiters. The women that want expensive gifts in order for me to show them their “value”, that they were worth that money spent on those diamond earrings or whatever. Or worse, the women that constantly complain about not having time with their man even if the man is already making a lot of effort to see her.
According to Urban Dictionary:
1.) high maintenance -
Requiring a lot of attention. When describing a person, high-maintenance usually means that the individual is emotionally needy or prone to over-dramatizing a situation to gain attention
Although he was a nice boy, his low self-esteem made him high-maintenance.
2.) high maintenance -
A person who has expensive taste (re. clothing, restaurants, etc.).
This person is never comfortable because he/she is constantly concerned about his/her appearance.
This person feels they are better than most people and usually judge others based on outward appearances.
I am not high maintenance
Check out what eHarmony’s blog post on high maintenance women:
Why are some women high maintenance?
“Researchers who study the tactics of mate attraction probably saw the movie (reference to a scene from When harry Met Sally) and said “of course! That’s just evolution at work.” High maintenance is just today’s term for a well-tuned competition strategy to win over a high mate-value partner. The evolutionary theory of mate choice starts with the idea that reproductive success is the foundation for choosing a mate. Everyone wants to maximize their chances on having strong healthy offspring. Men therefore should be looking for women who are young and attractive (since those are tells of fertility), while women should be looking for men who are resourceful, high-status and able to stick around to raise the offspring. These would be considered high mate-value partners. Considering the risk involved for women in choosing a mate to have children with (e.g., he could leave, he could be unfaithful, or there might be issues in conceiving or raising children), it behooves her to know her value and choose the highest status partner available. “
Does this mean high maintenance women are snobs?
“Maybe. It depends in part on how the woman perceives herself relative to other women (i.e., her perceived mate value). If a woman thinks that she has better resources and can win the competition to acquire a similarly valued partner, then she isn’t going to settle for someone perceived as having a lower mate value, especially for a long term relationship. In fact, research shows that both men and women generally express a higher minimum standard of qualities when thinking about a long term relationship over a short term one.”
Perhaps I am high maintenance compared to the other women Shawn has dated. Maybe plenty of them shopped at Target for their clothing or bought their bras from Walmart. Shoot, I am sure plenty of them had no problem with buying coffee and even their meals from the 7-eleven!
I don’t see desiring quality as such a bad thing. Why get a gas station coffee for $2 only to complain with every sip how horrible it tastes?? Why buy a bra from Walmart only to find it is uncomfortable as heck after it’s first washing? Why buy a shirt from Target only to find it shrunk and got those little fuzzballs all over it after the first washing? It just makes no sense to me to spend money on things that don’t last.
Call me high maintenance but I will stand by the fact that it makes me smart with my finances. I’d rather spend $50 on a Victoria’s Secret bra that I can get 2-3 years out of versus spending $15 on a bra from Walmart that is going to last one washing. Then what??? You guessed it. You have to go out and replace it. So now that you have a bad taste in your mouth of Walmart’s quality, suddenly Victoria’s Secret looks more appealing. So you walk into Victoria’s and get your $50 bra, but guess what; now you have gone and spent $65 worth of bras in the time I only spent my $50.
Further more I’d like to add I am not a golddigger and Shawn has even joked about that saying “Well, good because you’re dating the wrong guy if you are looking for a guy with money. I’m not wealthy or close to it.” I’ve never been a golddigger. Those of you that have read my blog throughout the years would have seen that I was if I was in fact one. No. My goal for dating has never been about how much money a man has, does he own a house, can he support me and my son, can he take me on expensive dinner dates and nice vacations. I have been on the hunt for a faithful, family-man; with like morals and beliefs. Of course having a man that can BBQ, weight-trains (like me) and is handsome were bonuses with Shawn. 
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