Another Valuable Lesson In Dating From Steve of Tough Love
I have been a fan of VH1’s Tough Love since season 1. Although season 2 is coming to an end in the next few weeks, I still find myself anxiously waiting for my DVR to record each week’s episode so that my sister and I can sit down and watch it together. This week’s episode had one of the most important lessons that the contestants on the show could have learned. Even I feel like this episode gave me an epiphany of some sort.
In this episode Steve had the women get made up by makeup artists with special makeup and pieces to make them appear as though they were anywhere from the ages of 60-71 years old. Now naturally, I assumed he was going to send the women off to a public place so that they could try and charm the pants of men with their glowing personalities and not rely on their looks (like he had done last season). But no! This season does not repeat the same exercises as the first season’s. The ladies were then sent to a support group for older single ladies (senior single ladies if you will).
During the support group session, the Tough Love women listened to the different stories of 3 senior single women. The first woman had shared how she was in her late fifties and that she had fallen for the wrong man and wasted 12 years of her life with a man that would not marry her. She had met him at 38 years old and was with him for 12 years. She knew from the very beginning that he didn’t want to marry her but she somehow stayed in the relationship hoping he would change. After 12 years when he still had no intentions of marrying him; she ended the relationship. Her point to the Tough Love women was that you shouldn’t stay with a man that is not capable of giving you the love and relationship that you need.
The 2nd senior single woman shared how she was with a married man for 10 years. She didn’t go into details of why she stayed with him but I guess she maybe thought that eventually he would leave his wife to be with her; but he never did. Her biggest regret was letting the affair go on as long as it did and now she is single with no children of her own. She says she is jealous of her friends that have grown children and grandchildren that they enjoy and she has nothing. She has accpeted the fact that dating in your 60’s is very difficult and that she may be alone the rest of her life.
The 3rd senior woman’s story was that she had married young, at 21 and when she found herself in an unhappy marriage she began to have an affair. She later divorced and met a man whom she feel deeply in love with but he passed away a few years ago. She definitely feels it was better to have love and lost than to have not loved at all. She stressed how important it was to not be on the look out for mr. perfect because he doesn’t exist. She feels it is important to be with someone that you can accept a few of their faults or shortcomings than to be with the wrong person because he looks pretty on the outside or looks good on paper.
The Tough Love women were bawling their eyes out as they heard each story and it even really made me think about my own dating experiences or lack thereof. Now, I cannot identify with the first two women’s stories but I do feel as though I can identify with the 3rd woman’s. I never lost a husband to death but I still lost him. I lost him to another woman because I was no longer the woman that could keep him happy in the relationship. So in away when I was going through divorce, I had to grieve as though he had died. he was the love of my life and even though he was never Mr. Perfect, I felt he was perfect for me. I did not do as the third woman had suggested in accepting a partner for their shortcomings; instead I pointed out my ex’s faults all the time. I know this was not easy on him and ultimately led him to leave the marriage to be with someone he felt would accept his faults.
Are you looking for Mr. or Mrs. Perfect? Have you been turning the other direction because a potential date wasn’t attractive enough, didn’t make enough money, spends their free time reading Science Fiction books or loves to watch horror movies? I know for me I have definite deal breakers and I think Steve would say that deal breakers are important but that you shouldn’t have a long list of deal breakers. Obviously my deal breakers would consist of someone who smokes, drinks/drugs, doesn’t want kids and someone who didn’t believe in God. I used to feel very strong about making it a deal breaker if they weren’t a Christian but the more and more I talk with men, I guess I feel that it wouldn’t matter on their religion just as long as he didn’t expect me to convert to his and that he would support my beliefs.
I am 33 years old. Meeting men is not getting any easier than it did at 30. I would like to meet a man and be remarried by the time I am 35 but I need to stop dismissing men so quickly because they do not fit into my box. Thanks for the great episode Steve. I learned a lot.
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