Shawn arrived in town Friday night. He met me at my house where I had rented a few wii games for my son and picked up a Papa Murphy’s pizza. So he played the wii with my son for a bit and then after my son went to bed, we sat together on the couch just talking. There was alot more hugging going on that night. every opportunity that we were standing he would walk up and hug me. There was also a bit of hand holding.

Saturday I took my son to his soccer game and Shawn was going to have a bit of time to sleep in and he had to watch his nephew until he was to go attend his son’s football game. After the football game we were suppose to go see the Fresno State football game all together. The boys would all be meeting for the first time. We all had a blast at the game. At one point Shawn even put his arm around me and cuddled with him. His youngest son had looked at us and saw us cuddling and he said a remark like “ooooo you guys like each other”. After the game they came back to the house and we had ice cream and let the boys play the wii for a bit while we chatted on the couch. There was some hand holding and more hugging this night! They were over pretty late and Shawn started nodding off so they left.

Sunday, I had to head up to my house and make sure everything was all moved out of it where I ended up getting in an argument with my sister because she had not done anything. Her house was not packed up and I couldn’t even get to the spot where I had a few boxes set aside that I needed to dump when I moved out. I was really frustrated with her and she basically just expected everyone there to help her pack up her house. It wasn’t a “help me move day” it was a “pack my house up for me and then move it out” day. So I left and my mom was upset with me for leaving but I couldn’t be around that poison a second longer.

Earlier Sunday morning when I was on the road, Shawn had suggested that maybe we meet up half way on the road so he could see me or if I got back early enough, maybe we could hang out a bit before he had to head home. I told him that sounded great. After the argument with my sister, I was back on the road at 2pm and was home at 4:30pm. Shawn ended up coming over at 8:30pm and he let me just vent about my sister and how all this animosity was building up. He was really good about letting me vent while he listened. There was more hugging going on and finally at midnight he said he needed to get going, so i walked him out to his car. We hugged alot and then he went in to kiss me but I wasn’t ready so he ended up kissing right next to my lips.  I then pulled away from him and went in to kiss him on the lips. We had a sweet little kiss that lasted a few seconds and just slight open mouth. Then after that there were many kisses to follow that were just sweet and short on the lips.

So there you have it. Four weeks of dating this man and finally the first kiss!

So after yesterday’s random woman contacting me telling me Shawn was planning to meet her, I decided I needed advice to find out what I should do or how to handle the situation. I spoke with Three people that each had a bit of difference in opinions on what I should do.

My Mom’s Advice:

She advised me to stop and pray and ask God whether or not I should discuss this with Shawn. She told me “It’s ok if you don’t hear from God either. Maybe he just wants you to be still and be quiet for a few”. She also said “You are getting only the other woman’s side of the story. It’s very possible she is the one still pursuing Shawn and making first text contacts with him and he could be just being polite to her but not interested in her any longer.” I did remind my mom that I am not threatened by this woman at all and I explained it because she is telling me she exchanges texts with him like every 4-5 days, and in the dating world that is practically the kiss of death, it means a man is not into you because if he was, he sure would not be waiting that long to speak with you.

The final bit of advice my mom gave me was that she said “You can’t judge him for anything right now because you are not in a committed relationship with him. Once you get to that point, then if he continues talking with other women, only then would I be concerned.”

My Friend Marna:

Marna could not get past the fact that he lied to me by telling me he wasn’t talking to anyone else when clearly he was at least chatting with this woman via text every 4-5 days since our first date. She advised me to speak to him right away about it since it was bothering me. I told her he may not have purposely lied to me because I can’t remember if the exact words in our conversation was “I’m not talking to anyone else or I’m not seeing anyone else”. She things it’s all BS semantics, the bottom line is he knew he was still talking to other women and he lied to me so she thinks this is not a good way to start anything with anyone.

My Friend Matthew:

Matthew was giving me the inside scoop from a man’s stand point. He explained that when he first started dating his last girlfriend that he still kept his dating profile up and was still chatting with other women that he was talking to around the same time he was first speaking with this new girl he was dating just in case things didn’t work out. “You have to realize that when you’re on a dating site, very rarely is a person communicating with only one person because chances are for ever 1 person you start chatting with, one person will be a total flake and you make never make it to an actual face-to-face meeting”. I don’t fault him for still communicating with other women especially since this was his first time on a dating site and you have to be understanding that an overlap like this is likely to occur.

Well, I was just trying to prevent myself from acting out emotionally and calling him upset about all this. I wanted to remain cool and collected but in my efforts to do so, I basically threw off an obvious signal something was wrong because I went nearly 4 hours of the day without texting him and usually he and I exchange several texts an hour. So he had asked me if everything was ok. I tried to beat around the bush and just tell him that I was just thinking about some things and seeking God’s wisdom about it. I was still a bit quiet so a little time later he said “What you are dealing with today, does it have to do with you and I or a personal issue?” I responded with “You and I”.

“I knew it had to do with us. Hun I would much rather you just discuss with me what’s on your mind rather than see it eat you up like this”.

So then I started to tell him how the woman had contacted me telling me how she was talking to him and that they were suppose to meet.

His response was “Hmmm, I’m not talking to anyone or planning on meeting anyone else. This woman said she knew me??”

“She told me that you were suppose to meet her on the 10th but you cancelled. She is in San Jose and she sent me a photo of you, one I had not seen before”.

Shawn responded, “Oh K, yea I was suppose to meet her on the 10th but I cancelled because of you. She asked me to send her a pic for her phone contacts so that’s why she has that pic. I made that date with her 3 weeks ago, right around the time we were meeting. And I was suppose to meet a woman named Heather on Thursday but I cancelled because of you. I was trying to avoid coming off as a jerk to those women. They had contacted me and wanted to meet so I said ok but I cancelled those meetings because of how much I like you, S”.

I explained to him that I wasn’t mad because I know we’re not in a committed relationship but I was confused. I told him that I am just not down with multiple dating.

He quickly responded with “I don’t want to multiple date either. Been there done that and drama is what that causes. I only want to date you, S. I like talking to you and hanging out with you and I want to see where this goes, if you still feel the same”.

All along, my gut feeling wanted to believe him that he wasn’t really talking with K, but that he was just being “a nice guy” and cordial to her. Ultimately he proved to me that I must be something special because he cancelled his plans to meet her and this Heather person.

I told him that I also enjoyed talking with him and want to date only him. So now we have officially cleared the air and have perfect understanding that neither of us are talking to anyone else or seeing anyone else, so from this day forward if any other such drama comes up, that will be it for me.

We then talked about how we should definitely take things slow especially because we both desire to wait for sex until marriage and that neither of us have been able to do that before. We pretty much went back to ourselves joking freely and calling one another terms of endearment.

I am pretty active on a popular health forum that I post on daily. Well, last night I had made a comment in a thread that is devoted to other like minded people that live in the same state as me. The comment was about how I am missing the guy I am dating like crazy because he lives in “X city” and only comes to my city on the weekends to see his sons play football. This morning I wake up to receive a private message on the forum from another woman who starts off telling me

“This is gonna sound totally pyscho, sorry!

I think the guy you are talking about is a guy from PoF and I think he is talking to other women so just becareful. Here is a pic, is this him??”

The picture was indeed Shawn. I was just peaking to the edge of freaking out so I asked her how did she get that photo. She came clean and said that they were texting since Sept. 30th but she said it was no big deal. She said that on Sept. 30th, he made plans to meet her on Oct. 10th which she thought was really strange since it was so far out. She said they briefly exchanged texts on Oct. 4th and then on October 8th (which was this past Saturday). She then said that on the morning of October 10th, he cancelled the date saying he was still in “my city” (which he wasn’t to my knowledge since he has texted me at midnight the night before saying he had arrived home safely.) So either he lied to her or he lied to me.

She went on to convince me that their texting was nothing serious, that they never met nor spoke on the phone. She said “Obviously it was because of you that he cancelled our Oct. 10th date but just becareful about getting too attached to him because he might not be as attached.”

Now the main concerns I have are that although we have never discussed exclusivity; Shawn and I are still only dating and not in a committed relationship, he did tell me on Friday night  that he wasn’t talking to anyone else. Maybe he meant that as “seeing” others, I’m not sure. So he maybe lied to me because he was texting her the very next day after he said that.

And now I am second guessing if maybe he doesn’t really know if he likes me and wants to keep his playing field open. I am not down with that but I know this is probably common for men.

I decided not to confront him about it. I don’t want this to become a thorn between us. So, I guess until we are exclusive I shouldn’t be getting upset. We are not intimate with one another and for now its almost like a dating friendship.

Why do you men gotta be so darn confusing?!?!

I called my mom and she assured me that Shawn is investing a lot of time into me and nothing into her. We all know that if a man is texting you every few days, he is not into you. Shawn texts me all day long and we talk on the phone at least once a week plus I see him practically every day on the weekends. She told me not to be concerned about this until we are exclusive, since Shawn hasn’t committed to me, I have to just see what happens from here on. She’s right!

I think blogging this has helped me get it out of my system too!

I had decided to call my ex’s mother to have my son chat with her on Friday.  She had then informed me that my son’s father and new wife were going to be coming down together to watch my son’s soccer game and that she would also be riding down with them. This threw me for a loop because I was now going to have to face the awkwardness alone of sitting there near my ex’s new wife, whom he had yet to introduce to me. I was debating whether or not to ask Shawn to be my support and attend the game with me. I didn’t want things to be even more awkward but I really feared facing it alone.

I spoke with my friend Matthew about the situation and he said something wise, he said “You know, if Shawn wants to be a part of your life, he is going to have to face this situation sooner or later anyhow. Plus, he needs to show he is supportive of you right?” I agreed, so Friday night at dinner with Shawn I had asked him if he would come and explain my fears. he said “Of course I’ll come”. I was relieved.

There was still no kiss after Friday night’s date and that would have been his opportunity since I knew that the rest of the weekend we would be surrounded by my son or his boys. He did text me after he left my house that I make him happy. He makes me happy too!

So Shawn arrived at my house early Saturday morning and I drove us and my son to the soccer game. When my ex arrived with his clan he didn’t walk up and introduce his wife to me. He briefly said hello to my parents and sat down. My ex’s mother did walk up to me and I gave her a hug and introduced her to Shawn. After the game, I spoke a few words to my son and then his dad was going to take him for the one hour break he had before the start of his next game. As I walked away from My ex’s family that had gathered around my son I turned around to see Shawn walk straight up to my ex and he introduced himself to my ex and his family as he shook hands with everyone there. I didn’t bother to walk back and introduce myself because I really felt like it was my ex’s responsibility to do so.

Shawn and I returned for the second game. Shawn had to leave about 10 minutes before the game ended but he gave me a hug goodbye and left. When the game ended I had walked over to my ex to tell him that I had a change of clothes for my son to change into before he took off overnight with his dad. At that point, my ex finally introduced his wife to me.

Shawn was planning on coming to church with me Sunday morning and he was going to be bringing his boys. His boys were cute, good kids and had us cracking up the entire time. We went for lunch to Red Robbin’s afterwards and the conversations there were interesting. I had told my son that Shawn was just a friend, so I assumed Shawn also told his boys I was a friend. Well, at one point in the conversation the boys were trying to guess my age. So I had convinced them I was 65 (which I am not, I am 35) and then I made a remark of  “Oh great, now you are gong to go home and tell your mom ‘hey dad is dating a 65 yr old’. And his oldest caught on right away and said “Oh you’re dating????” I quickly said “Well, no. We’re friends”.

Then the youngest one says “ooooh, I am gonna tell Jennifer. Good because I don’t want a step sister.” Now Shawn had just explained about Jennifer to me on our date Friday night, so I already knew the scoop with her and I knew that Shawn was in a relationship with her but that ended 5 months ago. I assume he just doesn’t update his boys on his relationship statuses.

I felt a little awkward at that point and the kids picked up on Shawn’s awkwardness too because the oldest one had even asked him “What’s wrong dad? Did we embarrass you?” and Shawn just said “You’re not embarrassing me, but I think you are embarrassing Sara”.

Shawn didn’t kiss me goodbye yesterday after we arrived back at my house and we couldn’t because obviously the boys were there. But I gave him 2 really long hugs in which I didn’t want to let go of him.

The next time I will see Shawn will be this Friday night but I don’t think we will be alone since I will have my son and then Saturday it will be filled with soccer games, football games and then we will all come together to watch a Bulldog football game. So the boys will all meet one another. The boys are all excited about that as are Shawn and I.

So Shawn and I have been dating for two weeks and have had 3 dates. I would not have respected him had he tried to kiss me on the first date but the last time I saw him I had to fight the urge to just grab him and kiss him. I cannot wait to experience that first kiss with him. Especially since every kiss in my last relationship was totally awkward feeling. I need a good kiss to makeup for all the bad ones I had experienced. I hate that I am putting so much pressure into this first kiss with Shawn but I need to know that the kiss is full of chemistry. I am 100% attracted to Shawn and I feel he is totally attracted to me just based off of how he speaks to me and what he says in text messages to me.

I also understand that Shawn is totally respectful of women. Believe me, I am really not used to a man respecting me and seeing me as more than something to fulfill his sexual desires with.

This weekend is going to be interesting since I will be seeing him tomorrow night and I will most likely have my son still and then on Saturday my son will be with his father so I will be kid-free but Shawn will then have his two boys. He said he would still like to do something with me and the boys but since that would be a first meeting for me and the boys, not sure how this will go. My son has already briefly met Shawn but hasn’t spent any time around him yet. I just don’t want his boys to think I am stealing them of their time with their dad. Now that I think about this, this is my first time meeting a man’s kids. I have dated many single dads, yet this is the first time I will be meeting someone’s kids.

Shawn also wants to attend church with me on Sunday and his boys will also be coming then. Next weekend we are all going to a football game together. Shawn, me, his boys and my son. It should be fun and will be the first time the boys meet one another. People are going to think we had kids like rabbits because the ages of the boys are 10, 9 and 9. Well maybe not because his boys don’t look anything like me but people might think he is the father of my son just that he took all of his coloring after me.

I am not the aggressor so I don’t want to make the first move. I want Shawn to be able to have that moment under his belt when he just went in and did it. Oh, I hope he kisses me tomorrow night!

I will keep you posted!

Shawn and I have some mileage between where we live. He is about 2 1/2 hours away from me but the only reason why I was open to this was because he said he comes to my town every weekend to see his boys play football. I figure if her is going to be here that often then at least I will be able to see him every weekend, which is typically when you see your significant other and go on dates anyhow.

Looking at past dating experiences and relationships; my two most recent ones had me trying to connect with these men during the week because they worked during the weekend. One had to work weekends since he was in school full time during the week and the other chose to work weekends because he has no family here and has nothing to do but work. Both of those situations were frustrating!

But I was just thinking the other day how nice this is that Shawn doesn’t live in my town because there are some benefits. Here’s a list of them:

• It will help me rely on really getting to know him through phone calls and text messages
• The relationship won’t turn physical too soon since we are still taking steps to get to know one another and we’re not on that comfortable level of being left alone in the house to make out and let things heat up
• The relationship won’t be rushed because the dates are spread out further versus in previous relationships where I maybe say someone 4 days a week and got attached much sooner and developed feelings quickly
• I won’t become a stage 5 clinger wanting to see him everyday. I have no choice since he is not in the same town.

Overall I think those are great benefits to help develop a real meaningful relationship.

I’ll be meeting Shawn Friday night when he comes into town. We are going to do something a bit different than the usual coffee date. Right now I am really into Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, so for our date I chose to stop by and pick up a pint of Ben & Jerry’s of our favorite choice and walk around a nice upscale shopping strip that we have here in town. It should still be in the high 80′s by the time we get together so it will be a nice way to keep us cool, get some fresh air and be able to chat. He’s all up for this and even mentioned maybe getting coffee too!

He has asked me a few times today if I am nervous and I am. Even though I feel so comfortable with the idea of taking things slow one day at a time with him I have this feeling of anxiousness just to find out if once we meet, is the chemistry going to be there for both of us. I have seen several photos of him and the ones he sent to me last night are making me more nervous because he really is so darn good looking. He is extremely fit, very masculine with a strong yet boy next door kind of look. I don’t want to get caught up in appearance but he is seriously wowing me. Josh was pretty attractive but he has nothing on Shawn. If the man I had in my head all these years could exist, Shawn would be him. This is scary and I don’t want to put this kind of pressure on Shawn to live up to my fantasy but I swear, it feels as though God chiseled him out from my exact image of the type of man I desire to be with forever. And all of this scares me! It scares me because I am thinking it won’t last or there will be no chemistry. Or maybe he’s really a jerk but just saying all the sweet things to me to lure me in.

His sense of humor is just right, he puts a smile on my face with every text message I receive from him through out the day. This morning I woke up to find the cutest message from him yet that said:

“Woke up at 5:30 thinking about you and now I’m at work thinking about you”.

Be still my heart. Don’t jump in too quickly. I must protect you or you are bound to lose control and get stomped on again.

This is an interesting title huh? You are probably wondering what the heck am I talking about. Well, a few days ago I was using the Plenty of Fish phone applet and using the “Meet Me” function. I came across this handsome man that is athletic, 6’3″ with the deepest blue colored eyes I have ever seen. Ok, so I was already impressed by his photos so then I have to check out the profile to see if he was a Christian and secondly if he was only separated or truly divorced/single.

Score! He was listed as a Christian and single. As I scrolled down to read his profile I saw that he had listed his interests as “God, spending time with my two boys and BBQing”. Triple score!!!! A Christian man that loves the Lord, is active with his kids and BBQs?!?! Unheard of! As I read his profile further I saw that he said having two boys has completely changed him forever and that he wants to be the best father to them as humanly possible. He also explained how he’s a bit country. He was listed as not looking for anything serious which usually is a red flag for me because I am very much in a place where I am looking for a husband and not just companionship.

So, I chose “Yes” to meeting him. When you do that, it notifies the other party you are interested. About 3 hours later I was notified via email “USERNAME has added you as a favorite”. I sat there thinking “Sheesh, why not just email me if interested. Instead you are going to make me make the first move??? Really?” I decided he was a good enough to make the first step so I messaged him and immediately he responded saying he was glad that I messaged him since he had tried messaging me twice but that I have a filter in place that blocked him from messaging me. Good thing I didn’t let my pride get in the way and I messaged him first! With POF, once you message a person; regardless of your filters they can now respond.

So my first message to him I was briefly explaining how once or twice a month I am up by where he was located (Yea, he is not local. About 2 1/2 hours from me.) But anyhow I was telling him how I have to take my son up that way to take my son to his father’s. I had explained how I was from the Bay Area but moved back home with the folks due to trying to rent out my house and keep it.

He responded and said he was completely shocked when he read my message because it was as though I wrote out his own life. Here he is doing the same thing I am. He recently moved back home with his parents after the home he was renting was suddenly sold with little notice and his boys moved a year ago with their mother down by where I live now! He drives out near my city every weekend to see his sons play football since both are on teams.

So essentially we are like two ships passing in the night living parallel lives.  He has a great sense of humor and since he is really into weight training and going to the gym like me, we have a lot in common in that area. He loves the fact I am so passionate about my healthy lifestyle. We seem to have similar beliefs and desires of what we want in a mate. He has a great sense of humor. It’s not dry like the last guy.

Right now we’ve only been emailing and now progressed to texting. I am hoping to start talking on the phone soon and then meet eventually.

I’m not gonna jump in head first. I am just gonna take things slow at a nice steady pace and just see where this is headed. Of course the face-to-face is still pretty vital in all this and not sure when that will happen.

Oh and nothing to report about the butcher. I will go in to get some meet today but not to try and talk with him. Shawn is too much on my mind to waste precious time with the butcher that just won’t ask me out already!

The past week has been pretty horrific trying to get together with John to get to know him. It really felt as though the universe was preventing us to meet. After what he did to me on Sunday, I was already having major second thoughts about him. But with patience and understanding, I gave him a second chance. He made an effort to call me twice on Monday and we had some really great conversations. We planned to meet up for lunch on Wednesday and I tried to get more specifics of when and where we would be meeting on Tuesday night’s conversation but he was just so vague and uncooperative.

Wednesday’s lunch date

So I go to the gym at noon and get out by 1:45pm. We were suppose to meet for lunch at 2:30pm. At 2:20pm I receive a text where John says he can’t make it at 2:30 but that he hasn’t forgot, and he would like to meet at 3:30. reluctantly I agree to it. So when 3:30 hits, he starts asking where am I and I told him I was at home waiting to hear where I am suppose to meet him. He suggests McDonald’s by his work. Are you kidding me???? Has this man never heard a word I have said about how I do not eat McDonald’s nor do I let my son eat that junk!?! So I tell him I do not eat McDonald’s. He says “well what do you wanna eat?”

“I’m easy. I don’t care as long as it’s not fast food.”

He doesn’t respond for another 15 minutes and by now I am starving, irritated and on the edge of just telling him to jump off a cliff somewhere!

He responds with “Maybe you were right about me.”

Oh lord, here we go! he is going to cancel and I am losing my patience with giving him do-overs!

“About what?”,  ask.

“About me not being the right man for you.”

Oh heck no! I am done with this crap!!!

“I’m done. Don’t contact me every again.”

“I feel bad now….ok”

He then proceeds to flood me with text messages saying he was just kidding and I tell him he shouldn’t kid about things he can’t take back.

“What happened to starting over. You never gave me that?” he says.

“I gave you grace. I have been more than patient with you. I am done with all of this. I want no part of it.”

He starts begging me to come meet him and saying “I have no idea what food places are around here. I only eat fast food near my work. I was gonna say come to McDonald’s and we can find a place.”

“I’m starving. I should have eaten now 4 hours ago, instead I waited patiently for you and then this drama.”

I stopped responding to his texts and he then proceeds to start typing in caps. When I don’t respond he then calls me. I ignored his first attempt and then when he called the second time, I answered. I didn’t say a word, just listened to him. Unfortunately, John is a smooth talker and after an hour he had convinced me to meet him for coffee in the morning. “I think what we really need is just 2 hours of sitting down face to face and talking to get to know one another.”

Hesitantly, I agreed to it.

No Coffee From This “Gentleman”

So this morning I text him at 7:30am and ask if he is awake. No answer. he responds back at 7:50 saying he just woke up and needs a shower and can we meet at 8:30am.

Deja vu!

So he’s finally on his way out at 8:30, meanwhile I am lost because he said the Starbucks was on Blackstone and Olive. There was no Starbucks there! I am now lost in downtown and using my GPS to find the closest Starbucks there and see that it’s not right by Blackstone. He calls and says “Oh yea it’s about a mile down Olive.” I tell him that information would have been helpful earlier. So now I am already pissed and even questioning why I am here to meet him. Do I really want to deal with someone that cannot make plans, that cannot be detailed enough to explain something as simple as where to meet up?

I enter Starbucks but my mind had exited a long time ago. I had already mentally checked out when John entered the Starbucks. He walked in carrying his own cup of coffee from home and asks me “So, are you getting anything?” All I can think of is that he is a cheapskate! he didn’t offer to buy me a cup after I just wasted probably $7 worth of gas to come out to a location by HIS work! It dawned on me that this man is never going to treat me like I want to be treated. I deserve better.

We talked for an hour but it wasn’t the conversation he had expected in which we would talk about things to get to know one another. Instead, I led the conversation by saying “I am pretty certain now this is God trying to stop us from meeting. There are too many barriers blocking “this”. I don’t know what to say because I don’t know anymore.

As he talked to me all I could think about was how I no longer was attracted to him. The chemistry is gone. What ever embers were left from yesterday prior to our conversations about meeting have been put out.

I’ve made up my mind that I don’t want to bother with this anymore but I have yet to tell him and don’t know how to tell him. Perhaps I should just avoid him for hours like he has done to me in the past few days. he has already texted me saying “It was nice to see you” and a few hours later he texted “Are you ok?”, neither one to which I have responded.

He has left me feeling emotionally drained. He had built up himself to be this amazing, romantic guy and yet I have seen nothing of that fruit, only hurt and disappointment.

In my previous post, I mentioned meeting John for the first time. Since then, things have gone from really good to down right nasty and confusing!

Something happened right after meeting John. I don’t know what did it but John somehow got it in his head that I thought we were a couple in an exclusive relationship. Let it be known that I had never thought that nor said it but John felt this was the case.

The weekend drama and cancelled dates

So the day after meeting, we had little contact other than a few short text messages exchanged. Friday afternoon came along and I asked if we could talk on the phone, I wanted to clarify things about the custody and his son visitation so that I could decide if I wanted to pursue things with John. John interpreted this as I needed him to call me everyday like every 30 min. He said “later, ok?” Later never came. The next thing I know about 5:00pm he asks if we can “hook up later tonight” after his friend’s BBQ. I asked what time would that be and he said probably 9 or 10pm. It was a last minute plan and it was a bit late but I still wanted to see him and get to know him so I said ok. At about 9:00pm he texts me “I think tomorrow morning might be better”. I am frustrated and tell him I cannot make it tomorrow morning. He says “Crap….I am still at my friend’s BBQ”. I respond with “I was really looking forward to seeing you tonight.”

So Saturday morning comes and I send him a text saying “we need to talk”. So he calls me and we talk about him cancelling me. He said he felt awful and wanted to ask me out to dinner Saturday night at 8:00pm. I accepted being really excited to have a real date with him. He was texting me 2 hours before and I was encouraging him to nap since I knew he had worked all day. He ended up falling asleep and not waking up for our date. I was hurt and left a final text telling him I was hurt.

Sunday morning he sends me a text apologizing but that with his career he doesn’t have time for a relationship and maybe never will. I immediately called him to talk to him about maybe just being friends. Of course he didn’t answer but a few minutes later he said “This is a conversation we should have in person. I would like to meet you for coffee after church today, ok?” I agreed and he said he would call me at 12:15pm. He never did call. So I called him at 12:45pm. No answer. I left him a few text messages and still no response. I decided to give him the benefit of doubt and I killed some time at Target. 1 hour later and still nothing so at that point I knew he blew me off. I went home and cried my entire drive.

I decided to send him a text message just saying how messed up that was and how he has shown me a completely different side of him. About an hour after I sent it, I received a long message from him. He explained how he felt that I had categorized us as a relationship and things were moving too quickly. But he says the biggest confusion has been the sexual desires he has towards me. He is afraid of corrupting me and pulling me into sin. He suggested we have a do-over and start over getting to know one another. I told him before we do, I need to know why he treated me the way he did when he stood me up. He just said he was scared and said he would call me when he got to work to talk about it. This really was the last chance I was gonna give him. Once at work he said there were issues and that he couldn’t talk for at least another 30-40 min. I felt I had already wasted too much time on him that I said I was going to bed. He then asked to talk in the morning. That didn’t happen until AFTER I sent a final message to him telling him I am just done with all of this. I explained that I was falling for phone John. Phone John had my interest and was gaining my heart but that text/ditch John was a jerk and I wouldn’t even want to be friends with that guy. Shortly after, John called and things were half smoothed over. He apologized for standing me up and said he has no excuse why he did it. I was able to just accept his apology since I knew there was nothing more he could say. Basically I feel he is on prohibition with me. I need to see some action from him to determine if I even like him anymore.

So I am giving him a second chance. I am probably naive and stupid for doing so, but deep down I wanna believe that phone John is the John I will end up seeing shine through.