Tonight I am meeting Jason for coffee. Its just coffee and yet I am more nervous about meeting him then I was Jeff. I am nervous but yet I feel like its no big deal. Its as if I already know that there will be no sparks or intellectual chemistry. Like he is just some random stranger that will be sitting 2 feet away from me. Heck, he may as well be the guy standing behind me in line to get my coffee. Hearing me talk about this date like this makes it seem obvious to ask “why are you even going on the date”. I guess a little part of me hopes that even though we have only exchanged a total of 500 words in the course of a week; primarily through a quick 2 text message maximum a day, I somehow think we’ll magically connect. The attraction will be there, the conversation will be interesting and swoon me, followed by him walking me to my car and telling me that he would really love to see me again and how about Saturday night! All big hopes, I know but I cannot deny that deep down I am a romanticist waiting for my white knight.
Seriously God. Why are you taking so long to bring me exactly what it is I am asking for? Its frustrating to me that for 4 years I have been single and its more frustrating to me that people that were divorced less than me are already in committed love filled relationships. Oh yea and let me remind you God that my ex has been engaged for over a year now. You remember him right God? You know, the douchebag that cheated on me and walked away from our family?!?! I’m a good woman God, so why are you killing me more with each year that passes. Don’t you think I deserve love as much as I know I do?
I’m sure you will hear back from me with an update about how there was no chemistry or how he wasn’t into me because I was too fat. I apologize for this post. I am just not in the mood to think positively right now.
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