Dating as a single mom has always been a concern of mine. You ask yourself when should my kids meet this man I am dating. It’s also easy to fear that a man might re-think the relationship once he meets your kids and maybe feels the kids are just too much for him to want to be a part of. I feared these things with Josh. Especially after his freak out and the conversation that followed in which he had actually said those words that I feared “Maybe meeting your son was too soon”.
Last weekend was going to be the first real weekend doing things as a sort of “family”; meaning my son was with us so we did family type stuff with the exception of Friday night since my son was going to be spending the night at my sister’s house to play with my nieces.
Friday night Josh went to a hockey game with his friend and so while he was out, I was at his place sewing on the cub scout patches onto my son’s new uniform. The patches had to be put on by Saturday morning because he had his first cub scout event in which he needed to be wearing his dress uniform. The event was the pinewood derby car. Josh had helped with making the car. Or perhaps I should word that as Josh pretty much built the entire car. My son helped with deciding on the design of the body and he painted the wood and applied the stickers.
Anyhow, when Josh arrived home from the hockey game, it was already after 10 pm and so we stayed up another hour or so watching Wipeout and then we went to bed. The next morning Josh had to rush off to his morning class and would be back at about 12:30pm. I finished sewing on the cub scout patches. When Josh came home we headed to my sister’s to get my son and then went to the derby race. It felt so comforting to have Josh at the event with me. For once I didn’t feel like a single parent. It felt like we were a family. For most of the event Josh brought up the conversation about moving in with him again. We talked more about what my plans were for my house that I was trying to rent out unsuccessfully. Josh’s solution for everything in this conversation was for me to just move in with him. It’s tempting because I hate being apart from him. I just miss him so much when we’re not together. I have never felt this way about a man before. Maybe it’s just because I knew that none of the other men were right for me. Even the men that I had the longest dating experience’s with like David and Mike. I just never felt true connections with those men and it’s probably because I knew something was just missing. I seemed to only have had a physical connection with David and with Mike I just never felt as though he was really all that into me because he wasn’t making real efforts to see me unless I had initiated things; which was strange since we dated for almost 6 weeks. But with Josh there is and has been a deeper connection with him. I feel connected to him emotionally, spiritually and of course now physically.
No one ever likes to be compared to an ex but I am thankful for this blog so that I can talk about the things in my head that I would most likely never say to Josh, especially in regards to comparing him to my ex. When I look back at my dating experiences with my ex-husband and even my marriage, I cannot remember a time when I really could say that I hated being apart from him. Instead it was the exact opposite, I felt smothered by him and I needed space. I know that is definitely not a healthy attitude to have and it should have been a red flag as to why I should not have married him. Anyhow, I don’t feel that way about Josh. I don’t feel smothered by him…ever. Likewise I do not want to be the one smothering either. So I am doing my best to let Josh set the pace which clearly he is by suggesting I move in. Unfortunately I have some issues about moving in with him. I already feel guilty that we are having pre-marital sex as Christians and I know that its wrong according to the bible and that by moving in it will only make sex even more convenient. I just feel like “well, we’re already pass those crossroads” that I don’t think we’ll be able to go back. I don’t even know if I want to go back.
After the derby race, we picked up a fresh pizza that you take and bake from Winco and some cookies and headed back to Josh’s house. We ate dinner and then we all played the wii together. My son spent the night for the first time at Josh’s. Sunday morning Josh made us pancakes for breakfast and then my son and I went to our church and Josh went to his.
After church my son and I went home in order to give Josh time to do his homework for school on Monday. I had not heard form Josh all day. I knew it was his day to spend time with his brother and niece and nephew. But at 6:45pm I got a random text message from him that just said “surprise”. I was in the middle of cooking some chicken on the stove and I didn’t know what to make of his text message so I didn’t respond. About 30 seconds later my phone rang and Josh asked what i thought that text meant. I told him I had no idea. Josh was outside the front door. He came by because he said he just had to see me. He had missed me all day. He stayed for dinner and chatted with my parents for awhile and then Josh and I went to the the living room to talk alone.
Josh had told me that his mom was asking him about us. She wanted to know if we were more than friends and he had told her “yes” and once she heard that she asked if we could all have dinner out together so that we could talk and get to know each other better. Josh told me it was up to me and if I felt comfortable with it. I told him I didn’t mind, as long as he rescued me if I needed it. He said “Hun, I promise, I will always rescue you. I will always have your side. Even if I feel you are wrong, I will support you and be on your side and then later we might have to have a talk about you being wrong or something. But don’t worry, I will rescue you.”
Josh had called me last night to tell me dinner was scheduled for this next Friday night. I am not nervous yet, but things may change on Friday.
