2 weeks later and I finally speak to Chris about the entire booty call situation. I was honest how I felt towards him. I told him I felt completely rejected and he assured me he did not reject me. For simplicity sake, my conversation is the black and his is the blue.
Whyfore has you disappeared from the realm of my existence?
i dunno
embarassed i guess
Oiy!
No embarrassment!
well you totally rejected me
Baaahhh
Did not.
yea, ya did
No I didn’t, I still maintain I was about to have sex with you that last night, but you unfortunately took the herpes joke literally and personally, and things went south
well you were more than hesitant and the herpes joke became like your last blow to ensure I would leave it alone
so naturally I felt completely rejected by you, the one who I said I felt safe with
Well, I’m sorry for that. I do feel badly about how things turned out. I don’t really want the friendship to be weird because I didn’t sleep with you. ::frowns:: I was honest with you before I came to Cali and said I couldn’t guarantee anything.
well it’s weird
i can’t tell you how much I thought about it afterwards
my self esteem was totally shot
yes you did say you wouldn’t know how things would be but then the last few conversations you had completely flipped and seemed to be more certain it would happen
worse than a woman!
Yeah, I’m a bit wonky.
Well I didn’t know you had invested so much into sleeping with me that it would kill your self esteem. I know you won’t either believe me or understand that the reason I didn’t sleep with you, really had nothing to do with anything I did or didn’t like about you.
just imagine how you would feel if the tables were turned
Well.. you weren’t the only one looking forward to it.
if I sat there masturbating to you over the phone, and talking sexy to you on the chat and then we meet and you attempted a move and I told you ” I’m just not horny”
And I actually WAS just about to call ya over to my bed, heck I had been stroking myself for like 10 minutes before I made the herpes joke. Which..apparently my penis is sensitive to the mood in a room, cause he went totally dead as soon as I picked up your reaction.
well it wasn’t funny if that was your intent
it was a total mood killer and made me mad at you
It was meant to be funny.
Every now and then, I do say something dumb.
with the intentions of offending someone?
Considering how often we talked, I’m allowed one dumb thing now and then. it’s just unfortunate it
How would I know you’d take my making a joke about herpes, a joke I’ve made with other people, as me calling you a slut.
Heck I’ve accused my brother in law of giving me herpes.
Hardly think he’s a slut. ><
because usually a joke is partial truth
…
Considering you can get herpes from a towel..
I don’t see someone being a slut because they have it
I swear, I didn’t reject YOU. I know you’ll feel that I did, but I swear I didn’t.
i do not know how to accept what you say is true
I just beat myself up. I’m too fat, too ugly, too annoying, not smart enough
Oiy. happened right before nooky.
(my friend) came and tried to cheer me up and yes he did try to hit on me
and I just ignored his efforts and a day or two later I wondered if that was the same situation with us
Okay.
i never see (my friend) romantically and I would not sleep with him
Let me ask you something.
Let’s say the situation was switched.
If you went into a “booty call” with a good friend who you’ve had for a couple of years, and you were flip flopping all over the place before anything happened. Would you expect that friend to place so much importance on that booty call that they’d kill their self esteem because it didn’t happen?
Cause I didn’t realize this was important enough to you that if it didn’t happen, that you’d be this down on yourself, especially considering that you didn’t get rejected.
We’re friends before we’re a booty call, and I have been nothing but honest with you.
you’ll never see it as rejecting me because you don’t want to feel any blame for it
Yes, I wanted to sleep with you before I went, and yes, I wanted to sleep with you while I was there, but for some reason, I just wasn’t comfortable with the situation until that last night, then I made that stupid joke that you took far more personally than I thought you would.
i’m a woman Chris, its only natural for me overanalyze why things didn’t happen
I overanalyze too.
and unfortunately it starts with me feeling I am inadequate
i wasn’t comfortable the first night
and chances are if things would have progressed I probably would have gotten over it and embarrassed just being with you
so that last night I knew it was the last attempt
and you were a hard nut to crack and with you being so hesitant, I was already feeling rejected even as I was trying to coax you into the situation
oops embraced not embarrassed
Well my mistake is that I didn’t consider that you might take the situation as seriously as it was taken. I looked at it due to the previous conversations as just a booty call that may or may not happen with two friends, and if it didn’t, we’d be all good.
I’m sure it was pretty obvious days before that it was going to happen more so than not
it’s not so much the point that I was expecting it to happen
it’s the fact that I attempted, heck I would have physically tried to arouse you but I was seriously afraid you would physically push me away
which would have been even more embarrassing
Well that last night I would have, I was just trying to think of a way to say, get your butt over. Which, in hindsight, I should have just said, get your butt over here.
well clearly you fail!
all you had to do was say ok!
I know.
i was just trying to think of an appropriately witty and cute way to do it
instead you prevail at killing the mood!
Not much else to say or do now so I am not sure where to go from here. I don’t want to lose his friendship but I never even got to what had happened on Sunday. In which he ditched our plans to hang out to be with his family.
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