Oh boy, I totally thought the drama was going to be over with after Wednesday when Shawn’s ex-girlfriend sent me a friend request on Facebook. It was eating me up still as to why she added me on Facebook. Then I was checking my Facebook feed and noticed a friend had posted an article to how people can be missing messages received in their inbox when a person messages you and is not currently a friend. To view such messages, Facebook files them under “Other”. So I checked out my “Other” messages and I had a few in there. Bam! Three received from his ex-girlfriend and then another two from her best friend. 
Apparently she started messaging me back in the beginning of November when Shawn and I had already been exclusive for a few weeks. She said that they have been sleeping together this entire time and that she thought I should know that she has become the other woman and that she knows she should cut ties with him but she can’t because she is in love with him and she feels incomplete without him.
Whoa! Wait a second!! Could this be true?? Could my Shawn possibly be sleeping with his ex-girlfriend; the woman he told me he couldn’t trust and whom he had dumped because he saw text messages in which she was sexting her ex-boyfriend???? Yea….her messages were very convincing and I my insecurities were already on high alert because of her trying to add me to Facebook just two days ago (the same day she sent her last message to me). I admit, at first I freaked out and started crying.
She said in a 2nd message that she had drove 2 1/2 hours up to his work and brought him coffee and Chinese food and claims they had sex. Shawn did tell me about her showing up at his work with the coffee and Chinese food that day. It was during that conversation in which I told him I would not feel comfortable with him contacting her anymore even if it was just friendliness on his behalf because she is mistaking his “niceness” for interest in her and a hope of getting back together. I told him her actions are not speaking of a friend but rather of her being in love with him still. So he was honest and told her he was wrong about them being friends, they just can’t and he had not spoken to her since. So even though they have been broken up for 5 months, really to her it only feels like it’s been a few weeks since he now has cut off all contact with her. I feel she was still in love with him because of having daily contact with him via text messages. So to her, there was no real cut off and she explained how over the 5 months she felt he and her were getting closer. Really???? You thought you were getting closer when Shawn has been in town every weekend, spending all day with me from early morning and then taking me out at night in which he would then come back to my place and hang out until 2 am most nights. Really??? You think that there was some quality time he was spending with you during those weekends??? I don’t even see how he could cram you in his schedule because the man would be falling asleep on me at 2am so he would go to his sister’s down the street to sleep and then be up bright and early back at my house for an 8:00am rendezvous.
The thing about all this is that Shawn has been completely honest and forth coming with information about it. I never checked up on him and asked him about her, he would just bring it up in normal conversation how she texted him a particular day and has been telling him she is still in love with him etc. His only fault in all this was being nice to his ex-girlfriend. Too nice! And I never agreed with his beliefs on it and sadly, he now knows it’s not a good idea. This is a first for this extreme drama in which an ex is accusing him of sleeping with her still. He says that he never expected her to be like this but I told him that when women become desperate, they do things out of the norm. The pattern I have noticed from all of this is that she messaged me on Facebook every-time there was a conversation with Shawn in which he would tell her that they cannot talk or be friends. I know this by looking at the dates in which she messaged me.
Her final message was stating that we both love him for very different reasons and that he continues to play with her heart, sleeping with her and telling her he is still in love with her but scared to be together. She said she is a God fearing woman and has given this over to God and hopes I can forgive her.
So what does Shawn have to say about all this?
Shawn’s first reaction was “And you believe her?” He said “She has been trying to get back with me since we broke up. My faults in all of this was that I did sleep with her post break-up until I met you and that I still hung out with her as friends up until the beginning of October. It also doesn’t help that we have known each other for 14 years and that I was still building up her self-esteem by telling her she looked nice etc. Obviously this all bit me in the butt and apparently I shouldn’t have been friendly with her and instead I should have just been downright nasty with her.”
Shawn and I had a conversation last week when we talked about another ex-girlfriend recently adding him to Facebook. He said “I am a God fearing man. If I was up to something shady, God would uncover the sin and I have complete faith that if you were also up to no good, God would also reveal it. So what we have to do is trust one another.” I agreed with him then and I agree with him now.
He then said “It’s tough because I know you are thinking “Is this God intervening and splitting up something that is not to be or is it Satan destroying something that is meant to be?”
I told him that God always confirms things. he is faithful that way, so if I ask for confirmation either way, He will give it to me.
Shawn just said “Ok babe”.
A few minutes later he texted me asking if I was ok and did I want for him to come see me after work the next day (today). “You are the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. I’m willing to do what it takes to show you I don’t want to lose you.”
I sent him a rather cold response telling him to do what he wanted that I wouldn’t oppose seeing him and in fact I needed to look into his eyes when we talk.
A few minutes later he responded with “Should we just go our separate ways? You’ve already told me you don’t want to stick around in a relationship where red flags are flying.”
I told him this needed to be discussed on the phone or in person and not thru text messages.
About 20 minutes later he was off work and called me right away. He said “so now we’re at a cornerstone where we have to decide what to do. I’ve been in your place, I’ve been on the side where stuff came up about my current girlfriend and I didn’t trust her at all. I didn’t trust her the remainder of the relationship and it ended it. It doesn’t matter what I say, the bottom line is that you aren’t going to trust me anymore and I don’t want that. I want you to be able to trust me but obviously I don’t have any surveillance. I hope my word is enough. I know trust is hard to rebuild if not, it’s practically impossible so you have to decide do you want to trust me and move on continuing this path of our relationship, do you want to take a step back and just be cautious or do you want to split while we’re still fresh at all this?”
There was a moment of silence and I said “Shawn, I’m gonna trust you. I don’t know why I trust you but I do. Maybe it’s because I have seen your integrity as a man, a boyfriend and a father. maybe it’s because you have been honest with me and volunteered all of this information to me as it happened. It’s almost as if God was preparing me for the drama. Like you would tell me how one day she was texting you, telling you she loves you and wants you back and then you would tell her not to contact you anymore and then came the crazy messages on Facebook to me those same nights.
I’ve been cheated on twice now. By my ex-husband and my last boyfriend, Josh. Both times I had my intuition nagging at me telling me something wasn’t right yet I chose to ignore it twice. I honestly don’t feel any sort of nagging going on that she might be telling me the truth.
Shawn’s final actions and words have helped bring me some comfort .
1.) Shawn didn’t ask for me to forward the messages to him. I think that anyone who was cheating would be curious as to exactly what details were being given away.
2.) If you really want to, go ahead and contact her. I told him “I don’t want to talk to her. I want nothing to do with her!” This is crazy talk. A cheater wouldn’t suggest this either.
3.) Does she really think I would go back to her after all this? She honestly thinks that if she was successful at breaking us up that I would want to go back to her??? After she just ruined the best thing that has happened to me and basically ruined my life???
4.) She degraded herself, there is no chance for a reunion. I know this makes me sound like a jerk but after we broke up I still slept with her. When we did sleep together after the break-up, I thought less of her because I started to wonder if this is how she acted with all of her exes and how many other exes is she sleeping with now.
5.) Do you want me to delete all my exes off Facebook? I’ll do whatever you want me to do. I told him “You know, at this point I think I would prefer you did. I don’t want to deal with this sort of drama anymore and I would prefer if you block her now. He said “No problem. I promise you, I won’t respond to her texts anymore.”
So I am choosing to believe him until God gives me further confirmation not to trust him.
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