Well now I’ve gone and done it! I’ve probably set off Josh to do the notorious Aquarius disappearing act.
I have not seen him in 4 days and I couldn’t help but research everything I could about Aquarius men yesterday. I was posting on forums, reading blog posts written by astrologists (totally against my moral and beliefs) and I was even posting comments on some of those blogs. I was doing everything in my power to figure out what the heck is going on with Josh as it started to appear he was going through another cold spell and ready for another TOS moment. Josh and I have labeled his freak out as TOS, testosterone outta-whack syndrome; much like a woman’s PMS but really its not even to be blamed on hormones because it simply is the make-up of an Aquarius. Aquarius men especially go through disappearing acts and freak outs the moment they start to feel they are being tied down in some way. Well, what had pushed Josh into his freak out had nothing to do with him telling me he loved me, or asking me to move in right away or even hearing me say I loved him for the first time. No, his freak out happened when he felt like he was being pushed into a commitment when I had discovered he was still browsing other women’s dating profiles on POF. At that moment what had happened is that I freaked him out by questioning why was he looking when we were suppose to be in a “committed boyfriend and girlfriend relationship”, he suddenly felt like I was putting us in engaged to be married category by asking him to stop being active on the dating site (which I still feel I am justified to request that.) So, my aqua man needed a day or two to decide what he wanted, which brings me now to what happened today.
I woke up at 5:00am this morning because I couldn’t stop thinking about what I had been reading about Aquarius men and how they need their space. Apparently its normal for them to request space or just down-right disappear for a week or even as much as several weeks without a final word. Meanwhile, the female partner is left heartbroken and baffled as to what happened to him when she thought they really had a good connection; and only when she is ready to give up, he comes back around again and sweeps her off her feet. Making her feel as though he had not been gone long at all. And darn it, these Aquarian men are just so darn charming and amazing that the female partner will not hesitate to take him back immediately.
So back to me being up at 5:00am. Now mind you that on Monday and Tuesday Josh did not so much as text message me “good morning” or “good night sweetie” like he usually does. In fact, I didn’t receive anything from him until Wednesday and he did greet me with a “good morning” but by then I was already drawing up so many conclusions as to what the heck was going on with him. And being the Gemini that I am, I had to find the answer to solve this mystery! But time and time again, all I ever came across was how it was so important to give Aquarius men their space and to not come off as clingy. I already knew he was sensing that I was becoming clingy after our conversation on Sunday night. I blame that conversation for the reason why I was suddenly freaking out about him getting cold on me this week. Even though through my own selfishness, I knew he had a crappy week last week and that he had a ton of homework to make up because of it. In fact, I probably came off as “I’m so great! Why isn’t he spending more time with me and my greatness?” But I decided to play it cool and give him a taste of his own cooling off medicine. So when he texted me, I would wait like an hour or longer to respond and then he messaged me hours later and tells me “I haven’t heard from you all day, I miss you.” Instead of me making a full conversation about why he had not heard from me, I decided to once again play cool by responding back to him 30 minutes later with “I miss you too”.
Now normally we would have seen each other last night. Its our routine. I drop off my son at Awana’s and then I drive out to his place for an hour to spend with him before I have to pick up my son. Only there was no set meeting. I kept waiting for him to say “hey babe, where you at?” But nope, I got nothing. I sat in my car at the church parking lot grumbling and looking up more websites on Aquarius men and their behavior when in love.
So at 9:30pm while I am stalking his facebook profile, I get a text message in which he says he just got a cat from Craigslist. Really? Instead of meeting up with fabulous me, he went to go pick up a cat?!?! Oh man, I was mad!
Come on Single Mom Dating, get on with what happened already!!
So Josh text messages me this morning
Josh: hey, are we still on to workout today
Me: yea
Me: I thought you weren’t gonna make it today?
Josh: I’m making time to be with you. I don’t have to.
I really hate how he says things that I don’t know how to take. Did he mean “I don’t have to make time for you” or “I don’t have to workout today if you don’t want to”?
Josh: 
Josh: Ok, I’ll be over after class
Me: k
So he arrives and as usual, he is so fricken hot he makes me want to jump his bones right there at the front door. We talk for a few minutes and I asked him if he had any plans today and if he wanted to have lunch together. He said he had no plans and lunch together sounds good. I was so excited to finally get some damn attention from him since it had been 4 days now since I saw him last.
We go work out which really is not spending quality time together because I do my circuit training and he had his weight training routine and they do not coincide.
So on the way back to my place for protein shakes and then lunch, Josh tells me how his sister-in-law is going to be induced tomorrow or Saturday and how she is having issues with Josh’s mom.
We go into the kitchen and I am making his shake and I casually invite him to my niece’s skating birthday party. He responds with “Hun, I just don’t think I can be around kids right now.” For a millisecond, I think to myself “How insensitive of you Single Mom Dating” but instead I quickly blurt out “But what about my son’s birthday party? You are coming right?”
Josh responds with “That’s still a week away”.
I whipped my head around so fast to glare at Josh and saw the fear on Josh’s face as though I were Medusa and I say “What’s that suppose to mean? You’re not coming? You’re not gonna help me?”
Josh looked afraid to answer but said “No, I told you I would help.”
“Then what’s that suppose to mean. I don’t know what that means”.
Josh got quiet and continued to text on his phone.
I sat down with my protein shake at the table while Josh wouldn’t even look at me.
Me: Did you want me to get the pasta ready?
Josh: (quietly and still looking down at his phone) Oh naw, I’m not gonna be able to stay now. My sister-in-law wants to see me before she goes into labor tomorrow.
I could feel the tears coming on but I did everything in my power to compose myself.
Me: I don’t think I can do this.
Josh looked up from his phone.
Josh: What do you mean?
Me: I just don’t think I can do this anymore. I thought I would be able to handle this but I don’t think I am going to be able to.
Josh got up and sat in the kitchen chair next to me.
Me: I can’t handle seeing you once every 4 or 5 days. Its obviously no big deal for you but it is for me. I can’t do this.
Josh: This has been hard for me not to see you too.
Silence.
Josh just stared into my eyes without a word.
Me: Here I thought ‘well at least I can see him for a little bit this afternoon’ and now you are taking off. Going to the gym together is not exactly quality time since we’re off doing our own thing.
Josh: What do you want me to say…do?
Me: I’m not gonna make you say or do anything.
Josh: You want me to tell my sister-in-law I can’t come because I am having lunch with you?
Me: No
Silence.
Me: Josh, I love you. I don’t know what is so different about you. In all my other relationships I felt smothered but with you I don’t. I want to be with you as much as I can. So this is hard for me.
Silence.
Josh: You know the kind of week I had last week and this week was filled with midterms.
Me: I know but here I thought at least I get to see you today and now you’re leaving. Its upsetting to me.
Josh: Well, right now my focus is school so I can graduate and get on with my life. You had 6 years to get over your divorce and I need some time too. We’re sorta at different places right now.
Me: I know. You’re right. We’re at two different places. I know I want to remarry and have kids and you don’t know what you want.
Josh: I know I don’t want to be alone the rest of my life. And I still don’t know if I want anymore kids.
Silence as I just stare at Josh.
Josh: It sounds like you want to get married in like a year and have kids right away.
Me: I never said that and that’s not what I want either. I just know that I can’t be with you for 2 or 3 years and then end up empty handed. Do you understand that? I don’t want to feel like I wasted the last years of my 30′s with someone who doesn’t know if they want to marry me.
Me: I’m not saying I want to get married or have babies right away. I’m fine with 2-3 years but I just don’t want to waste my years.
Silence.
Me: I just don’t want to get hurt.
Josh: I understand that. My feelings for you have not changed. You know where I stand. So this is your decision. If you can’t handle it, then I’ll understand. You should probably think about it a day or two and then let me know what your answer is.
Me: I know what I want. Its just hard for me to deal with seeing you only every 4-5 days. I’m not patient.
Josh looks at me surprisingly.
Me: I’m just being honest. I am the most impatient person you will ever meet.
Me: I don’t get to see you much as it is and I was always glad that at least on Sunday’s we could be together and now you’re working Sundays.
Josh: That was an accident. Its not gonna be like that.
I stand up and pull Josh in to hold me and the next part of our conversation is done all while holding one another.
Me: I’m not asking you to marry me now or even in a year. The next time I get married, I want it to be because he realized he doesn’t wanna live without me. Not because he had some social pressure to ask me.
Me: I love you and I want to have a baby with you but I’m not looking to get knocked up anytime soon.
Josh laughs.
Me: I know you have a plan and want to finish school and get all your ducks lined up.
Josh laughs again.
Me: I realize that is important and I love that you’re ambitious.
Josh: That’s because I hate procrastinators. Uggh, that’s the one thing I can’t stand.
Me: I’m a procrastinator.
Josh looks down at me and says “You are definitely not a procrastinator because you are impatient”.
Me: Oh I can’t be both?
Josh: No, it doesn’t work that way. My dad is a procrastinator and so is my sister and it drives me crazy.
Me: Yea, I guess I like to get stuff done 2-3 days before its due and not the night before.
Josh: I love you so much but I need you to be patient. Shit happens. Life happens. My social life, well I have no social life…my social life revolves around you but my everyday life just takes over all on its own. Things happen that can’t be controlled and you are just gonna have to be patient with it hun.
Me: can we stop using that word?
Josh: What word? Oh…patience? (Josh starts nibbling on my neck)
Me: Yes. I don’t like that word.
Josh: And another thing. When I am done with school, I don’t know where I will be. If I stay here then I stay here but I might have to move where there is work. And if we do get married, then what? I know all your family is here and then you have to deal with your ex trying to move your son out of state.
Me: I just want to be with you. I feel you are my soul mate. I’ll move anywhere with you. (My lord lady! Get a grip on yourself! See what this Aqua man has done to this Gemini?!?!) I’m fortunate because of being self-employed that I can move anywhere. Even if you want to move to..(rolling my eyes at Josh)…Washington, I will go with you.
Josh: Hmmm, what about Alaska? You’ll freeze all the time.
Me: Hmmm, I’ll have to think about that one.
Josh: But seriously, you will have to deal with your ex about moving. I am fortunate that I won’t have to deal with my ex anymore. She’s pretty much out of the picture forever but you always have to deal with him.
Me: Don’t worry about him. He will be fine with a move anywhere, as long as I pay for the airfare so he can keep his visits. That’s what his child support will be for.
Josh: What about the months he has 2 visits?
Me: Well, then I have to save up to budget 2 visits. Just don’t worry about that.
And with that, Josh kissed me goodbye and headed to his sister-in-law’s.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
I dumped my Aquarian boyfriend a month ago and it was the best thing i could have done! Im a Taurus so we are super incompatible. Im level headed, do what i say and am decisive while his head is in the clouds, is wishy washy,hot/cold and ambivalent. We only dated for a short time but by the end of the relationship i was only seeing him once every two weeks and speaking to him in 10 min increments once or twice a week. He made every excuse under the sun not to see me…though still claiming he missed and loved me. Finally i I decided that i loved me more than him and that I was so done with the hot/cold ambivalent B.S. I gave him a dose of his own medicine and cut complete contact on his birthday. I didnt call, text, or e-mail. I guess he got the hint that something was up and texted me. I didn’t respond and i havent heard from him since. Do yourself a favor and really think about what you want and what makes you happy. Oh.. and check out baggagereclaim.com. The blogger Natalie gives awesome advice about these hot/cold men. I’ve learned so much from her and im sure you will too! Take Care
Hi Ruby,
I have read about Natalie’s blog before. Thanks for reminding me about it.
You are right and I do have to think about what I want. I know what I want and I decided after a long drive tonight that I needed to tell him exactly what I wanted and that I couldn’t compromise. The conversation went pretty well and he knows where I stand. He still cannot say one way or another about wanting more kids and he told me it sounded like I was trying to make him make a decision tonight. I told him I refuse to make him do anything but that ultimately I have to look out for myself and by that, I mean that I am going to have to give him a time line of a year. That is really all I can invest in him right now. I told him in 1 year’s time I will see where his head and heart is and at that point I’ll have to either walk away or he does something to change our status of just boyfriend/girlfriend. I just reminded him again that I was not in any way trying to pressure him to do anything but that at the end of the day, I have to be faithful to and respect myself more than anything. He seems ok with this answer, for now and for now I am ok with it.