I can’t remember the last time I spoke about tb but I know it has been at least a year or more since I last spoke to him. The last words he said to me was that he was announcing that he was going to propose to his girlfriend.
Tonight, out of no where I see that I received a friend request on Facebook. How that man can track me down is beyond me! My name is literally so popular on facebook that it would take you at least 10 hours to find me. I have never told him I was even on facebook either. he does know I was on Myspace though and I figured since he already had that information, he could have contacted me on there. But no…there it was. An invite to add him as a friend. He didn’t attach a message or anything. 99% of me wants to ignore it. But then I ask myself why do I have to ignore him. He hasn’t offended me. I honestly don’t know what to think about him. I never thought of him as more than a friend. He’s just been “that guy friend”. I just am not sure if I am ready to speak with him again. I have a feeling he is trying to reenter my life because just maybe things didn’t go to well with the gf.
Friday morning as I was performing a self breast examine, I found a lump. I was in such disbelief that I continued to poke and probe it. I called kaiser and set up an appointment to have it looked it. The soonest they could get me in would be Tuesday (today). I had to work friday so i went to work trying to forget about the lump. On my lunch hour I called DE and told him I had some news to tell him. he was really aggrevated with me on the phone and asked if I could call him back. I told him “No! I am serious. I have to tell you something!” he asked what was it and I told him I found a lump. He got really quiet and said he didn’t know what to say. I told him he didn’t have to say anything and just to listen to me. That is all I asked of him! the next thing I know he is telling me “I gotta go. you enjoy your lunch. I’m gonna go stare at the wall or something”. He quickly hung up on me and I sat there dumbfounded.
I went to work and on my commute home I lost it. I cried the entire drive home and then I called my mom and spoke with her for 40 minutes. I felt better after speaking with her. The next day, DE called me but I ignored the phone. I didn’t know if I wanted to talk to him but he called back a few hours later and I ended up picking up. he was really upset about hearing about my news. he said he was so upset that he didn’t want to talk to anyone and made his friend that came over for dinner, leave early. Sometimes I can really love DE and sometimes I just don’t get him. I just told him let’s not talk about it because I am believing everything is alright. He agreed. We went on talking over the weekend as normal.
Sometimes I can see myself being drawn to DE adn then I am quickly reminded of what a horrible match we would be. But one thought always crosses my mind…can I live never speaking with him again?
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