Last week was just an absolute crazy week for Josh. He hardly had any rest, any fun or even just a moment to breathe. He had to drive down to LA 3 times last week and had to be back home the same day to work his evening shifts, he had to say goodbye to his children as they prepared to move out of state with their mother, he had homework to do and make up for since he had missed some school days and all the while he tried his best to juggle time with me. He was tired physically and especially emotionally. He is trying to hold himself together so he doesn’t realize what has really happened regarding his children being torn out of his arms. I cried for him all week long and I also ended up emotionally over-eating for him as well. Josh continued to drop another 3 lbs this week and I am not sure how I managed it but I also dropped 3 lbs. The only problem is Josh really shouldn’t be losing anymore weight. He is perfect at 165 lbs.
Josh had asked me to spend the night Saturday night so Saturday morning I worked on some work I had missed a few days prior and I did some laundry. At 2:00pm Saturday afternoon my phone rang and it was Josh asking if I could make it out to see him before he leaves for work in an hour. I did my best to toss together an overnight bag for myself and my son and we took off to Josh’s. When I arrived he was making a Kahlua chocolate mousse that he was suppose to take to an employee party at work only he had the dates wrong and the party isn’t actually until the end of March. poor guy, he was so flustered all week that he was just mixed up and a mess.
Just before Josh headed out of the door he walked up to me to kiss me goodbye and said “This is a great feeling to be coming home to the woman I love” and with that he kissed me goodbye and left his house to head for work.
He returned home from work at about 10:00pm. I had already put my son to bed and I was vegging out on Josh’s bed in his warm and cozy bedroom as usual. Josh was exhausted, especially since he had gotten up at 5:00am that morning to head to LA and was back home by 2:00pm. We cuddled in bed and crashed. I was disappointed because I really wanted to be intimate with him but I was also beating myself up for being so selfish and only thinking of myself but I had my opportunity at 5:30am. So that made up for things. 
Sunday morning as I was getting dressed for church and Josh was getting ready to go to his he had asked me what my plans were for after church. I told him that I had no plans but if he just wanted a day to himself, it was fine and that I could go home after church. He insisted that we stay and hang out and that it was no biggie. So after church we met up for lunch and then went back to his place.
My son and I played Wipeout on the Wii and we were cracking up so hard that I knew there was no way Josh could study. Josh tried to do school work for about an hour but then he ended up joining us and we played for about another 2 hours. At that point I felt like we should really head home so that Josh could get some work done.
I came home and after only 12 hours I started to miss him already. He called me at about 8:00pm and we talked for a bit and he was questioning why I hadn’t called him to relay some information about an event for my son’s cub scouts. I told him “Oh I didn’t wanna bother you anymore today, I figured I would just tell you tomorrow”.
Josh said “Well you should have just called. It’s no biggie”.
“I know but I already stole your day and you have a lot of homework”.
“I needed that though. I just needed some time to relax”, he said.
“I told him I missed him already and I didn’t know what I was gonna do with myself because I didn’t want to be a stage 5 clinger”.
Josh practically busted a gut at that. Normally Josh would say something to put self doubt at ease like ‘I miss you too hun’ or ‘you could never be too clingy for me’, but he didn’t say any of those things. Its making me wonder if he just didn’t say those things because he is just not all there this week or if he does think I am smothering him.
I have never had so much worry about how I am acting in a relationship before and I don’t know if this is a good thing or not. I don’t know if Josh would rather me back off and give him room to breathe or if he wants attention and to be reassured just because of what’s been going on with him this past week.
Anyhow; on the phone he then told me how his mind is just totally gone this week because he had accidentally told his boss he could work Saturday morning and Sunday morning next week, totally forgetting about his Saturday morning class and church on Sunday. Not only that, but I was looking forward to having Josh come with me on my drive up to pick up my son from his dad’s. As he told me about his working mornings on the weekends, my heart sank even more because now there is even LESS time for me.
This week is the tried and true test of what life is gonna be like for us now. I’ve been getting used to seeing Josh on Tuesday and Thursday mornings for when we work out together but this week Josh has make up tests to do so there goes that. The next thing is that Josh would normally have me stay the weekend with him the weekends my son is gone to his father’s even if I am alone in his house most of the time while he works but there is really no need since he will be home at 10:00pm in the evening and be up and out of the house by 9:00am.
Then to top it off Josh called me this morning to tell me his nephew is in the hospital and that he had a really bad fall off his bike to the point where the doctor’s are recommending back surgery. So after his morning classes he had to run to the hospital to visit for a bit.
He met me up in the parking lot of the local grocery store to give me something so I saw him all of 2 minutes so that he could rush off to the hospital. I felt rather disappointed that he had to rush off but I understood. Josh sensed it too because he asked me if everything was ok. I lied and told him “Yea, I’m just tired.” I just knew that my insecurities should not be discussed right now. he has too much on his plate already that he doesn’t need an overly sensitive girlfriend in the mix.
Tonight as we spoke on the phone I told him “Well, I don’t know when I will see you next.”
Josh said “Well maybe on Wednesday night for a bit. I’ll see what I can do.”
I told him “Well, since you have to get all that reading done by Friday, most likely I won’t see you Wednesday. I probably won’t see you now until next Tuesday.”
