I had a wonderful Christmas even though I had to celebrate it without Shawn. Shawn lives 2 1/2 hours away and is currently living back at home in order to pay off his credit card debt. Well, Shawn has his boys a few weeks over the winter break and Tuesday was my grandfather’s Christmas celebration (my dad’s dad). This after Christmas Christmas Celebration is done every year. I was excited that this year I would have Shawn attending with me and his two boys. I was sorta nervous about leaving Shawn unattended with my grandfather at any point, especially after the conversation I had with my grandfather two weeks earlier that went like this:
Grandpa: So, how are things with Shawn?
Me: Oh they’re good!
Grandpa: So things are pretty serious then?
Me: Well, yea, I’d like to think so. We have casually brought up marriage talk but we aren’t real specific on the subject as far as stating we want to marry one another. Like he will say things like “If we end up on that path to marriage….” But he doesn’t say anything like “I know that I want to marry you” or anything.
Grandpa: Well, you know there isn’t much time to waste. You’re getting older.
Me: Yes, I know Grandpa but we’re both in no rush to get married. I think because we’ve both been through a divorce we are more cautious. We don’t want to make another mistake.
Grandpa: Yea, but you don’t really have the time to diddly dally like you used to. Do you want more kids?
Me: Yes, but Shawn has had a vesectomy.
Grandpa: I see. But You know he can have that reversed.
Me: Yes, we have discussed that and he is open to the idea of having it reversed.
Grandpa: And what if it doesn’t work? Would he be open to adoption or invitro?
Me: I don’t know grandpa. We haven’t really talked about those options.
Grandpa: Well, you don’t have alot of time. How old are you again?
Me: 35
Grandpa: Well, you know, I hear that the closer to 40 a woman is, the harder it is to conceive.
Me: I know Grandpa. I do think about that but I guess I figure if it’s meant to happen, God will make it happen.
Grandpa: Well, I married a couple about two years ago who haven’t been able to conceive and they’ve done invitro and still haven’t had any success. Just something to think about.
I had mentioned this conversation to my mom and the first words out of her mouth was “Oh my gosh, I hope he doesn’t say anything to Shawn”.
“What do you mean, mom??”
“Well hun, you have to remember that grandpa comes from a marriage counseling background. So he’s going to want to make sure that you and Shawn have your basis covered. That you’ve talked about all the important topics necessary before pursuing marriage.”
So, based off of my mom’s opinion, I did warn Shawn about the possibility that my grandfather may put him in the hot seat. Now, if I had not mentioned it before, Shawn has a huge sense of humor. He is constantly cracking jokes. We could be what I would consider to be the start of a heavy conversation that Shawn has brought up and he will be looking at me straight in the eyes with this real serious look and then suddenly crack a poor joke all the while holding onto his serious look. But anyhow, when i had warned Shawn about my grandpa he said “Don’t worry babe. I’ll just tell him that I don’t plan on having any more kids, that I have no intentions of marrying you and that I am only with you because the sex is off the hook”; which he then let out an enormous belly laugh.
So we go to my grandfather’s Christmas celebration and we have a real nice time. The boys (his two and mine) were great! We even stopped by to visit the family that I used to nanny for before I ever had my son and they were really good there too. Shawn was a trooper meeting my family and then my 2nd family (the one I nannied for). Since we were going to be arriving back at his home rather late, my son and I were just going to spend the night. Well, the next day Shawn’s mom had to work and she usually watches the boys while Shawn goes to work. I offered to stay for the day and then I would drive home in the evening. After Shawn’s mother arrived home from work that day, she just asked if I would like to stay the rest of the week since I would have to drive back up on Friday in order to drop off my son with his dad for his visitation. So now the plan was I would stay until New Year’s (since I was already going to be staying new year’s eve weekend with Shawn and his family).
Shawn’s parents were out of the house since they had to help his sister move and they took his grandmother; whom they care for with them. So it was just Shawn, me and the boys for the week. Shawn would get up at 6am to get ready for work and he would come home at 5pm. I stayed with the boys during the day. Taking them to the park, or fishing or to an afternoon matinee just to entertain them.
During the few days in which I had all three boys, I really started to get a feel for what it would not only be like to have three boys but also what it was like to raise triplets. Shawn’s boys are ages 10 and 9 and my son is 9 1/2. They were all very good. Shawn’s boys break out in physical fights every now and then and this was something entirely new for my son to witness. In fact, one night he cried as he observed them fighting because he couldn’t understand why they were being so mean to one another. I empathize for my son not being able to comprehend that the behavior of brotherly love he witnessed is totally normal. But other then that, they were all well behaved.
The one thing I did notice and bothered me somewhat is that Shawn and I never had any privacy. If Shawn and I tried to have an adult conversation, one of his boys was usually right there to listen. Shawn would ask the boy to leave because we are having a private conversation and 2 seconds later the other boy was there. If we tried to sneak off into Shawn’s room to talk while the boys watched TV, a moment later one would be climbing right on top of Shawn or laying next to us on the bed. I started to wonder if this would become our life together as a couple. Where we would never be able to hold a quiet and private conversation again.
Come Friday, it was time for me to drop off my son for his visitation. So then it would be just Shawn, me and his two boys. His family returned home Saturday with the addition of Shawn’s 2 yr old niece and his 6 year old nephew. They are great kids but the house is small, Shawn’s room is also the boys/playroom so you can’t escape the kids anywhere in that house. It got so bad that when it came time for Shawn to return a movie we rented the night before, Shawn had asked me if I wanted to come and I popped up out of my chair so fast and said “Yes!!!”
I needed a breather. I need to escape the chaos even if it would be just for 10 minutes. When we returned home, we sat in the car for a few minutes talking. Shawn complained how he can’t ever say anything without his boys overhearing him. He complained how he has no privacy at all while living at home. There is one bathroom for 5 people and his 80-something year old grandmother has incontinence. So he said it never fails, whatever time he gets up for work and hops in the shower, she is banging on the door to use the rest room. But it is what it is. Shawn got himself into a lot of debt due to his last girlfriend that lived here in the same town that I do. He was driving down every weekend to be with her and he was doing it when he couldn’t even really afford it. So now he has a huge amount of credit card debt he is trying to pay off and the only way to do so, is by living at home.
We did have a talk 2 weeks about in which Shawn said that he wants us both to have our credit cards paid off before we step into marriage. It’s smart. I totally agree with him. But it sucks knowing we probably won’t be able to get married for a few years and like my grandpa said ‘You don’t have much time’.
At midnight, Shawn and I were alone in the kitchen having yet another talk about how shallow people can be and how we love that each other really wants to take care of our bodies for our partners. His mom was infront of the TV watching Dick Clark’s Rockin New Year’s Eve, counting down. She screamed “Happy New year’s!!!”, Shawn is standing infront of me and looks at me and says “Happy New Year’s, babe” and kisses me a few times. That was our exciting New Year’s Eve but I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else than to be with Shawn at that very moment. Saying goodbye to a year that ended with me finding love and the start of a new year with this wonderful man standing infront of me.
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