When Love Is Gone

I am so confused right now regarding relationships. Not because of anything going on between myself and a man but just relationships in general.

Last night a a friend in my video game world announced to me that he was having “wifey problems” and then said “I don’t think we’re gonna make it”. Hearing those words got me curious about his situation. He told me they have been at each other’s throats lately and that she had announced earlier that evening that she would be the first to leave the relationship. He said the feelings are mutual. He doesn’t know how he feels about her but he can’t say that he loves her. Over and over he said his only reason for staying is because of their baby whom is about to turn 1.

Speaking from experience of what it was like being a new mom and suffering from postpartum depression, I tried to help him realize that maybe she too had it. A lot of the same behavior she is displaying were the same things I had done or felt. He just said that she has been taking medication for years for depression prior to them being married and she has been in close contact with her therapist still.

They have so much on their plate. They are newlyweds and they have a new baby. Both are major life changing events. it takes 2-3 years to adjust to being married and especially if you didn’t live together prior. He said they had lived together for 4 yrs before that.

I don’t know why his words keep ringing in my ears and haunted me in my sleep last night. The things that hit me the most were “I’m only staying because off my son” and “I just want to be able to see my son everyday”. Never once did he say I love her but I can’t do this anymore.

Could you fall so much out of love in just 2 years time after being married and only 1 year later after the birth of a child? It’s so scary that wedding vows mean nothing anymore. You know that part that goes something like “For better, for worse”. No one ever said marriage was easy.

Then I watched “Knocked Up” this evening and so many parts of that movie stirred up confusion inside. The main character seems to be forcing herself to fall in love with the man who got her pregnant even though they are completely different. The main character’s sister’s marriage is on the rocks and at one point the main character says “when you have to work so hard at a relationship, maybe it’s just best to come to terms that you aren’t meant for one another”. I found myself agreeing with that statement. I remember my ex telling me the same thing.

Another part in that movie that made me think was when the brother-in-law explains how he needs a break from his wife and family in order to keep his sanity. his wife loves him and wants to be with him all the time and yet he can’t accept her love. he can’t accept that fact that someone actually loves him. That is what happened in my marriage. My ex loved me so much and just wanted to be near me all the time that he actually pushed me away and caused me to resent him. I couldn’t accept his love. Boy, I am really messed up. I’d give anything to have a man I cared for to reciprocate that love right now.

Just when I was ready for a relationship with open arms, I am now so fearful of falling for a person who just isn’t meant to be…again.

Ugh, I can’t stop thinking of Brian and his situation. I can’t imagine hearing those words “I’ll be the first one to leave the relationship” and then try and sleep next to this person at night. It was late last night when he was talking to me but he said he would talk about it more with me on Sunday. So I am anxious to speak with him.

The most important thing in all of this is that if one partner calls it quits and has made up their mind, there is absolutely nothing you can say or do to change things. You can’t talk your way into making them want you again. When love is gone, it’s gone.

Tagged as: divorce, FFXI, Knocked Up